The bagel sounds great as long as you leave off the stinkin' onion and TRIPLE the cream cheese amount. Sliced/chopped green olives replace the onion.

A reuben has the nutritional value of a bucket of warm pi$$ with an aroma worse than that of any FETID SEPTIC TANK.
A TURD-wich topped with Limburger or Stilton would have a LESS disagreeable scent.

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When in doubt, WHACK the GAS and DITCH the brake !!!

Yes, there is such a thing as NORMAL, if you have to ask what is "NORMAL" , you probably aren't !
Failure may not be an OPTION, but it is ALWAYS a POSSIBILITY.
ALL systems are GO for MAYHEM, CHAOS, TURMOIL, FIASCOS, and HAVOC !